Great conclusion to the story! I like how you tie it up with a bow ... and then the bow comes willfully undone, starts running away, and trips into an open grave.
Loved this, Peter! Heck I would even like to see more of the story, even in an adjacent kind of way with different characters, or with the same folks in different circumstances.
Awesome! Glad to hear it, James, and thanks for following along! I do have some thoughts about how this lay could fit very neatly into the larger Fantasy series I'm working on, so there may be more to discover about the origins of the priest, the hag and especially the monster ...
Great question, Abigail! Here's my thinking (bear with me):
I chose a year (and a day, including their wedding day) because it had a nice fairy-tale ring to it. I wanted to convey that 'The Mercy' bestowed was a combination of giving the kingdom a short sabbath at the end of their line before allowing them to pass into their true rest. Having been alive for an unnaturally long and restless period of time already, this true rest might be considered a mercy. I tried to hint at this in this stanza of Part VIII:
'Long had the kingdom been awake/A sleepless and immortal state/Its rest was by far overdue/The bishop knew that this was true/So all at once, it came undone/The rightful end for everyone.'
Thanks so much for following along Abigail!
Extra thoughts on the vampire myth, and artificially prolonged life, in case you're interested:
The vampire is obsessed (to a soul-destroying, flesh-preserving degree) with purity, or endless virginity. I think of this story as a 'Lenten lay', because the vampire's primary sin could be conceived as 'not observing Lent'. Lent could be seen as the practice of contemplating how to die at the right time and in the right way, and preparing for that death. Death is seldom clean or pure, and so the vampire does not contemplate or prepare for it (for the same reason, the vampire seeks pleasure instead of sleeping or dreaming, for in sleeping and dreaming, our thoughts roam beyond our control or sanitisation, possibly becoming impure).
Thus, this kingdom has been given artificially prolonged life through the enchantment of the vampire over the virginity of the princess. This is unnatural. A princess is meant to wed and continue the royal line, giving the kingdom over to her descendants and passing it out of her control (this is the princess preparing to die at the right time and in the right way).
Thank you for the explanation! Now I am tracking. There's something very Tolkien in this thinking. His writing always makes me feel similarly, that just existing isn't living. There's a kind of prolonged state of being that becomes torturous, which your lay shows. I think the reason I failed to grasp that death was entrance into true rest was because of the rhyme scheme falling off so abruptly.
The kingdom flourished for a year,
And then abruptly ended.
I think some rhyming couplets would really ring in the entrance into rest and help readers realize that they aren't being punished but actually rewarded. I love narrative poetry and truly enjoyed this. Thank you!
'Something very Tolkien' might just be the highest compliment anyone has ever paid to my thinking! And you're probably right in your analysis -- perhaps, in a second edition, I will experiment with adding a few more couplets to this section ... Cheers!
Indeed! I wanted to leave it there because I think that is a fundamental question for these times we find ourselves in.
A more intense answer: In the hunt for sanitised artificiality, we are inviting vampires back into our lives. In the hunt for AI and aliens, we find ourselves resurrecting demonic language more befitting a vampire. These events feel phantasmic, beyond our control, inevitable ... What will we do when offered the artificially prolonged life that the vampires of legend coveted?
Maybe this lay needs a sequel -- an Easter story. I'm not sure I'm up to the challenge yet, though. Sometimes it's easier to write the upside-down Easter -- the vampire climbing out of the coffin instead of Christ descending to harrow hell.
Thanks so much for following along with this project, Katie! I've really appreciated your input. God bless.
You're right about the monsters returning. I feel like we are in the part of Revelation where the powers of darkness are released from the pit and they are roaming. But that's just before the New Jerusalem arrives. I'm not familiar with vampire stories though a good friend wrote one called Night Shade back in the day. And another one self published Fiona's Guardians, which I did not read. A friend wrote a novel the Blue Man which seemed to end on the transhuman's conversion. Maybe the vampire rising will be chased down by the Presence and converted in the next lay.
It's scary the dabbling Christians are doing with the demonic. I have a friend who sent me poems and I have no idea how to respond except to say I read these.
Thank you for sharing your writing. Godspeed with the next stuff. Maybe restock your stuff during the week too, so it doesn't get lost in the noise of Substack...I've seen that's a trick not famous writers I follow do.
Yeah, I do try to restack through the middle of the week if I think a few people have missed it, but Notes seems like a fairly unreliable way to reach subscribers. Perhaps I should utilise the chat section!
Thank you, Katie; I'm not sure what I'll be sharing in May, but I'm tinkering with one or two more relaxed poems and a more fantasy-literary-themed essay at the moment.
Very interesting! I haven't looked into unicorn stories all that much, but I'm reminded of King Tirion in Lewis's 'The Last Battle', a king whose closest friend is a unicorn. We might assume King Tirion is a virgin, as a wife is never mentioned. At a very basic level, it makes sense that the last king of Narnia is a virgin, as he has no heir to pass the kingdom on to.
Great conclusion to the story! I like how you tie it up with a bow ... and then the bow comes willfully undone, starts running away, and trips into an open grave.
Cheers, Mark! Thanks so much for following along!
Loved this, Peter! Heck I would even like to see more of the story, even in an adjacent kind of way with different characters, or with the same folks in different circumstances.
Awesome! Glad to hear it, James, and thanks for following along! I do have some thoughts about how this lay could fit very neatly into the larger Fantasy series I'm working on, so there may be more to discover about the origins of the priest, the hag and especially the monster ...
No pressure or anything but that would be awesome.
Wait! Why did the kingdom flourish for only a year? Do I need to read the whole thing again and look for clues?
Great question, Abigail! Here's my thinking (bear with me):
I chose a year (and a day, including their wedding day) because it had a nice fairy-tale ring to it. I wanted to convey that 'The Mercy' bestowed was a combination of giving the kingdom a short sabbath at the end of their line before allowing them to pass into their true rest. Having been alive for an unnaturally long and restless period of time already, this true rest might be considered a mercy. I tried to hint at this in this stanza of Part VIII:
'Long had the kingdom been awake/A sleepless and immortal state/Its rest was by far overdue/The bishop knew that this was true/So all at once, it came undone/The rightful end for everyone.'
Thanks so much for following along Abigail!
Extra thoughts on the vampire myth, and artificially prolonged life, in case you're interested:
The vampire is obsessed (to a soul-destroying, flesh-preserving degree) with purity, or endless virginity. I think of this story as a 'Lenten lay', because the vampire's primary sin could be conceived as 'not observing Lent'. Lent could be seen as the practice of contemplating how to die at the right time and in the right way, and preparing for that death. Death is seldom clean or pure, and so the vampire does not contemplate or prepare for it (for the same reason, the vampire seeks pleasure instead of sleeping or dreaming, for in sleeping and dreaming, our thoughts roam beyond our control or sanitisation, possibly becoming impure).
Thus, this kingdom has been given artificially prolonged life through the enchantment of the vampire over the virginity of the princess. This is unnatural. A princess is meant to wed and continue the royal line, giving the kingdom over to her descendants and passing it out of her control (this is the princess preparing to die at the right time and in the right way).
Thank you for the explanation! Now I am tracking. There's something very Tolkien in this thinking. His writing always makes me feel similarly, that just existing isn't living. There's a kind of prolonged state of being that becomes torturous, which your lay shows. I think the reason I failed to grasp that death was entrance into true rest was because of the rhyme scheme falling off so abruptly.
The kingdom flourished for a year,
And then abruptly ended.
I think some rhyming couplets would really ring in the entrance into rest and help readers realize that they aren't being punished but actually rewarded. I love narrative poetry and truly enjoyed this. Thank you!
'Something very Tolkien' might just be the highest compliment anyone has ever paid to my thinking! And you're probably right in your analysis -- perhaps, in a second edition, I will experiment with adding a few more couplets to this section ... Cheers!
This is so very interesting and helpful. Thank you.
So then what happened when he woke up the monster?
Indeed! I wanted to leave it there because I think that is a fundamental question for these times we find ourselves in.
A more intense answer: In the hunt for sanitised artificiality, we are inviting vampires back into our lives. In the hunt for AI and aliens, we find ourselves resurrecting demonic language more befitting a vampire. These events feel phantasmic, beyond our control, inevitable ... What will we do when offered the artificially prolonged life that the vampires of legend coveted?
Maybe this lay needs a sequel -- an Easter story. I'm not sure I'm up to the challenge yet, though. Sometimes it's easier to write the upside-down Easter -- the vampire climbing out of the coffin instead of Christ descending to harrow hell.
Thanks so much for following along with this project, Katie! I've really appreciated your input. God bless.
I also think we keep people alive even these days with our technology without the transhumanism stuff...
You're right about the monsters returning. I feel like we are in the part of Revelation where the powers of darkness are released from the pit and they are roaming. But that's just before the New Jerusalem arrives. I'm not familiar with vampire stories though a good friend wrote one called Night Shade back in the day. And another one self published Fiona's Guardians, which I did not read. A friend wrote a novel the Blue Man which seemed to end on the transhuman's conversion. Maybe the vampire rising will be chased down by the Presence and converted in the next lay.
It's scary the dabbling Christians are doing with the demonic. I have a friend who sent me poems and I have no idea how to respond except to say I read these.
Thank you for sharing your writing. Godspeed with the next stuff. Maybe restock your stuff during the week too, so it doesn't get lost in the noise of Substack...I've seen that's a trick not famous writers I follow do.
Scary dabbling indeed ...
Yeah, I do try to restack through the middle of the week if I think a few people have missed it, but Notes seems like a fairly unreliable way to reach subscribers. Perhaps I should utilise the chat section!
Thank you, Katie; I'm not sure what I'll be sharing in May, but I'm tinkering with one or two more relaxed poems and a more fantasy-literary-themed essay at the moment.
Notes are very unreliable that’s for sure. Still thinking about your insights about vampires. Also reminds me of unicorns liking virgins too…
Very interesting! I haven't looked into unicorn stories all that much, but I'm reminded of King Tirion in Lewis's 'The Last Battle', a king whose closest friend is a unicorn. We might assume King Tirion is a virgin, as a wife is never mentioned. At a very basic level, it makes sense that the last king of Narnia is a virgin, as he has no heir to pass the kingdom on to.
I hear you. CS Lewis’s commentary on Charles Williams Taliessen Through Logres touched on unicorns.
That is a great ending and a very true one in my opinion. Well done!
Thanks Brother! More on this in the reflection later this weekend ...